Friday, November 13, 2009

friday's blast from the past: hoop (there it is).

since this is a very organized and strictly regulated blog, i would like to introduce a new feature article called FRIDAY'S BLAST FROM THE PAST. this article may or may not recur, and that recurrance may or may not happen on fridays, but i feel pretty confident that i will enjoy this feature a lot, so deal with it. after all, this blog is about me.

i recently got a new computer (thanks, sugar brad-dy) and went through a brief phase of organizing my e-self. i organized all my folders, deleted all the photos of jack-asses that i used to date (which took DAYS), and got all my emails forwarded to one account. the email thing was kind of like christmas and a crack pipe all rolled into one, because i got to enjoy re-reading all the hilarious emails from my friends. so, whenever i think of it, or when it's friday (and sometimes, both of those will occur simultaneously) i will be posting one of these knee-slappers. i'll even throw in a little

PREFACE FOR CONTEXT: i lived in chicago for awhile. it was a weird, freezing-ass time, and a lot of strange things happened to me. i won dance contests and experimented with different hair colors. this was from 2005-6 ish, so the email below, as with all BLASTS FROM THE PAST, is a little outdated. i realize aaron carter was just on dancing with the stars, but back then, he was just another teenage douchebag.

COMMENCE BLAST: 07.19.2005
as you all know, i am quite popular, and once again, this has led to an invitation to "hang" with "celebrities." this past weekend, my new australian friend, emily, invited me to go to a "celebrity" basketball game, more specifically, the 'N Sync-Knights vs. Daze Charity Basketball Fundraiser. before you ask, yes, our tickets were free, and no, we did not win them in a dance competition. the tickets were given to emily as a company "perk," but i should clarify that the words "celebrity" and "perk" were being thrown around loosely, as you'll see...

obviously, we had anticipated seeing the likes of justin timberlake, lance bass, jc chasez, joey fatone (the big one) and the other 'n sync-er (the coolio-hair one), but i was shocked to see that the rest of the "all-stars" were people such as taye diggs (famous for being shirtless), aaron carter (famous for being the only one in the fam without jail time), shannon elizabeth (famous for removing clothing and marrying ugly guy), the black guy from scrubs, the pregnant girl from the WB's seventh heaven, and a passel of no-name, presumably WB actors. and the boy host from ET was there, calling the game. the one thing we did not take into consideration was that since these were "perk" tickets, we had seats on the 3rd row, half-court line... right in the middle of about 10 million 13-year old screaming girls, all who apparently watch a lot of the WB and still have not heard about 'n sync's breakup. since we arrived for the fourth quarter, aka "joke and funny business time," we got to see antics such as: attempting and missing sweet half-court shots, breakdancing at center court, and doing the wave on the benches. i really had my heart set on seeing some serious basketball, so i was naturally disappointed, until they started throwing "prizes" into the stands: visors (orange), t-shirts (XL), mini-basketballs (good quality), etc.

the throwing of prizes brought on another "perk": 13-year old girls diving on top of one another to catch the various crap that was being thrown. to my dismay, i was accidentally looking at aaron carter at the same time he was throwing a t-shirt, and he threw it right to me. it would have hit me in the face if i didn't catch it... but the real highlight is that after i caught it, he gives me this dirty wink, with his mouth open, and possibly some lip-licking? does everyone agree that he might be 15? or definitely under 18? boy, did i feel old and violated. so anyway, that is what i did this weekend. there are many other cockamamie things that happened that day, but i'm trying to trim the fat a little here.

look for me in us weekly-

hmmm...i was really excited about letting everyone know that i saw dan from 'the real world miami' at the movies over the weekend - i'm pretty sure that although aaron carter is by no means an "a-lister" in hollywood, he still trumps a has-been reality star who will now finish out his life as a perpetual 'real world/road rules challenge-er'. also, i am almost embarrassed to say that i received no winks, free t-shirts, or lip licks from my celebrity encounter - i'm pretty sure taylor did, though.

i will admit that i had to do some serious self-talking to keep myself from rushing over to him and asking a thousand questions about his stint in reality television. also, taylor had to tell me twice that i had no reason to attain his autograph.

so, kristina, you may "hooping it up" with b-listers, but i'm going to movies with d-listers.

From: Anytown, Nowhere
Sign: Cancer
Mood: Whatever


What a perfect opportunity to tell of my encounters with fame. Although they weren't very recent, I still have not washed my hand that John Mayer touched. You may think that's gross, but that means you aren't a true fan, and in that case your body is probably not a wonderland either.

Jennifer and I met John Mayer in the Spring of 2002 outside the Austin City Music Hall. It was 3 a.m. and as we approached him he was making the rounds of kissing a bunch of what I have no doubt were 14 year olds. (I thought to myself, that makes me HOT!) So we approached him the same time as the girls left and a reporter walked up. The reporter asked John if he could ask him a question to which I replied, "That is a question." I knew his admiration for middle school girls so I had to throw that comment in there. The reporter then asked him how his "new" fame had changed his life and he replied, "well I dont cry myself to sleep at night." Jennifer then said "We don't either" and he then said "Well, let's just put it this way, I used to think I was good, now I know I am." Then I immediately blew smoke in his face. He looked at me with disgust but then proceeded to invite us on his bus to go to Dallas with him. We declined, I think we were still in awe from what a cool and honorable guy he seemed to be.

I have to throw in that this was the same weekend Jennifer pissed off Major Applewhite at the bar by talking crap about Texas Football and declaring her pride for Oklahoma.

I hate to brag, but Sinbad was also on my plane once and I am confident he was impressed with my drunk-ness and fake i.d.

So, there it is. My bouts with fame. I am still hoping to meet Sandra Bullock, and since I tell people she shops at my store, maybe she will actually pop in one day.


Okay, okay...I will share too. Jennifer and I ate lunch with PM Dawn when we were 15 in New York City. His hair was amazing. For those of you who were born after 1982, you may not know who he are really missing out and should look him up. On that same trip we were in the same elevator with BB King who kindly offered us tickets to his show that night. However we politely declined because we had our own famous concert that night-- The Abilene High School Eagle choir was performing at the UN building. (As you can imagine BB was disappointed that his Reps scheduled a show on the same night as ours).


Kip and I were oddly invited to the VIP area of the Candle Room in Dallas one night about 10-11 months ago and we ran into Owen Wilson. I was starstruck - although he is not very attractive - or funny in person - I was expecting him to entertain us all of course. Kip talked to him for a minute and I just stood in awe. We partied with him for the rest of the night.

But it is also important to add to the story that there is about a 95% chance that I conceived Macy that night...not with Owen.


okay, i've got more:
-ben stein in colorado at the biltmore (he was wearing a suit w/ airwalks)
-barbara walters in new york on new years (she was wearing her plastic face)
-eric estrada (the latino from 'chips') in branson, mo. (he was hosting a pretend 'wheel of fortune' and i was selected to be a contestant - unfortunately i did not win the set of kitchen knives, but i did get a kiss on the cheek.)

SO I'D LIKE TO KNOW, loyal blog readers (all three of you), of any encounters you've had with famous people. feel free to share. this is a safe place. a place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. think of this blog as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. we can say anything here.

No comments: