Friday, January 29, 2010

well played, ann taylor.

i cracked out of my jeans slump today* by wearing THE MOST FLATTERING DRESS EVER, courtesy of ann taylor. yeah, i said flattering and ann taylor: no longer your source for frumpy power suits, ever since some gal named lisa took over, completely revamped the lineup and hired heidi klum for the ad campaign. if you missed all the chit-chat about ann taylor's stylish rebranding, or if you didn't read the article where AT's stock had jumped something like 90%, i'm here to tell you that the new looks are totally working for me, in a banana republic kind of way (and who doesn't love banana?). in addition to being extremely forgiving to my recent mcdonald's french fry habit, my new dress is pretty effing cute, gives the impression that i've got a fergalicious apple-bottom booty (i don't) and looks AMAZING belted. one of the sales girls was wearing this dress when i last stopped by AT, and i nearly ripped it off her body in an effort to have my own (abby, you're a doll and thanks for not getting creeped out).
below are a few more things i wanted to pick up, and more photos of MUST-HAVE OUTFITS can be seen here. stay tuned for the blog post when i detail the massive amounts of delicious ann taylor jewelry i got for the wedding...
*only because i was having lunch with cally at a very fine dining establishment called MR. FU'S.




project runway: PING.

i did myself a favor and watched the first three episodes of the new PROJECT RUNWAY last night. this is easily the best show on television, ever, because you get to watch the likes of ever-pregnant heidi klum and gems such as TIM GUNN (best manners ever, extensive vocabulary) and MICHAEL KORS (who could be a comedian if he ever gets tired of being a rich fashion designer)(and who i have already professed an undying love for, here). in addition to these stars, you have the contestants, a group comprised of extremely talented people and/or extremely crazy people (most of the time, they're both). the contestants duke it out over fashion (and by "fashion," i of course mean "making a cocktail dress out of potato sacks"). at least half of the contestants are completely deluded about their (lack of) talent, and this delusional type of crazy is definitely my favorite. take jesus, for instance, who said something like, 'as you can see, my SPECIALTY is eveningwear...' right before he got told that eveningwear was indeed, NOT his specialty, and then michael kors rattles off something about his model looking like a barefoot appalachian lil' abner barbie. however, this season's SHINING STAR is clearly PING, who was unfortunately booted last night. why they booted her, i don't know. they've kept less talented clowns on there for much longer for purposes of good tv, and trust me, PING equals good tv. PING is nuts. i could have watched three hours of PING-only footage, and still been happy. here's a small smattering of PING, but it really doesn't completely show how bonkers she is:
"you can wear it on the beach or inside the house, and it's very functional; it can also scrub the rest of the body." sure PING. loofah footwear is exactly what we need. that and more skirts that feature the ass-flap.

friday's blast from the past: age order.

i grew up on a farm in kansas, the second of six children. as if that wasn't novelty enough, we were all born in approximately two-year increments, so the span of our ages was only eleven years. my mother loved nothing more than to dress us alike and make us stand in something she called AGE ORDER (mainly for the purpose of photos) where the eldest stood on the photographer's left and everyone lined up to the right in accordance to their age. while we were growing children, this resulted in another phenomenon that my mother called STAIR STEPS because our decreasing heights from left to right resembled stairs (please refer to photo).if someone so much as mentioned the words 'camera' or 'picture', my mom would fly into action, shouting AGE ORDER! STAIR STEPS! AGE ORDER! i should mention that my mother had her sixth child at the ripe old age of 29. i'm 30 (with zero children), and finally able to understand that all of her nutty behavior was likely due to the fact that being a mother to six, especially at such a young age, will make you do crazy things.

with regard to the photo, i would like to point out that yours truly is second from the left. ever the fashionable one of the bunch, i am sporting blue socks (trendsetting), a beautiful necklace and pinch-rolled pants. you can tell from my stance that i've clearly been studying red carpet poses. due to the large number of mullets in this photo, i think it's safe to say we were between hairstyles.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

recommended movies, music and jason segel.

it's turning into a an extremely music-heavy thursday, but let me explain by saying that i love it when two worlds collide, and i love it even more when the result of that collision is something AMAZING, and whenever music or jason segel is involved, i'm going to put it on the blog. brad and i have watched (recommended movie #1) forgetting sarah marshall about nine hundred and fifty times. it is a great, hilarious movie. NOT FOR KIDS. parts of the film are somewhat inappropriate, but genuinely hysterical due to the main character, played by jason segel (who also happens to be the writer). in the movie, jason's character is a musician and you quickly get the impression that jason is actually a talented musician (and puppeteer-this movie features a healthy dose of puppets, but is still not for the kids). skip ahead to (recommended movie #2) once. this movie is romantic and sad and provoking, and it will kind of break your heart (so i'm sure it doesn't surprise you to hear that brad and i have only watched it twice). it tells the story of two down-and-out musicians who meet by chance and create something magical... you just need to trust me on this one. it's really fantastic. the main characters in once are played by real musicians who won an oscar for a song in the movie and went on to form a band called the swell season (recommendation #3). anyhow, i highly recommend both films and the band, but i ultimately recommend anything jason segel has ever done (freaks and geeks, i love you man, knocked up), especially this video, featuring jason segel performing with the swell season at a recent show in los angeles.

i called the number (315.329.6673) and it's really jason segel. what a dream boat. not sure yet if i'll be emailing healthtronics@gmail.com.

childish gambino: i am just a rapper.

holy smokes, y'all. this kid raps over indie songs, such as grizzly bear, sleigh bells and animal collective... and the new VAMPIRE WEEKEND (my. head. just. exploded.).to make matters more amazing, mr. childish gambino has his album (i am just a rapper) available for FREE download. what the WHAT? you can download the album here or here or by clicking the thingy below. this is my first attempt at blogging something like this, so you might need to try both links to get it straight.



{mucho gracias to my amiga jill in socal}

UPDATE: as it turns out, this guy is not just a rapper, but also fairly well-know actor donald glover, most notably from derrick comedy and nbc's community (as troy). thanks alex.

in god we trust.

guess who makes cool accessories? a company called in god we trust. starting with this extremely fresh take on an old wardrobe staple: the best friends necklace.
these socks are adorable. i kind of wish i'd seen them in the fall (as opposed to the verge of spring) but i will still take a pair in every color.

in god we trust also makes some pretty rad sunglasses called COSTALOTS, but i suspect a large part of my liking them has to do with the name.
{via refinery 29}

radiohead, schmadiohead.

dear pandora online radio-

i listen to you ALL day. i love your custom stations and nearly commercial-free music options. i love the 'thumbs down' feature when i hear a song i don't like. i love the buy-it-now option, and i enjoy using the QuickMix shuffle. you are free for the listenin' and you have exposed me to a plethora of artists that i LOVE and would have otherwise never heard (joshua radin, i'm talking about you). generally, i am thrilled with the results of your insanely brilliant music genome project. there's just one teensy, tiny problem:i effing HATE radiohead. i hate them, hate them, hate them, in a crazy, tourette's sort of way, and you play them every other song if i'm not careful. i don't care if rolling stone said they made the best album of the past ten years. i don't care if radiohead is a byword for brave musical experimentation. i don't care that their last album was available for free download (a fair price, by they way). i realize i'm the only person on god's green earth that doesn't care for radiohead, but when it comes to my listening pleasure, please stop, because if i hear that idioteque song again, i might throw my monitor out the window. it's counterproductive to what you're trying to accomplish, really.

love, kristina

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

2010 forecast: giant headgear.

i thought it was slightly coincidental when i posted this picture and this picture, but it is time to FACE IT: giant headgear is preparing to take over 2010. you heard it here first, folks. get some giant flowers and/or yarn pom-poms on your head, STAT.{image of the lovely evelyn nesbit via what possessed me}

nicole & oscar.

did anyone else see the dress nicole kidman and her plastic face wore to the screen actors guild awards? oscar de la renta, and i thought it was kind of awesome. boho AND sequins? that's a combo i can always get behind. homegirl needs to eat a sandwich, but i give this look an A+. {images via just jared}

marthas and arthurs.

unless you live under a rock or are my mom, you probably subscribe to daily candy, which (daily, duh) emails tidbits of things you should be doing or buying, specific to your location. i have stupidly been subscribed to 'all cities' when i SHOULD have been subscribed to daily candy: london, since, as we all know, london is on the cutting edge of cool. DC: london has really made my day with today's candy, courtesy of london correspondent audrey:

LOOK WHO'S COMING TO DINNER.For your last dinner party, you spent two days making heavenly stew, 45 minutes fluffing egg whites, and two hours on a seating arrangement that resulted in the singles pulling and the marrieds flirting.

What did your guests do for you? They brought cheap red wine, then spilt it on the white carpet.

Next time, invite vocal harmony group Marthas & Arthurs. In exchange for a meal, they’ll perform for you and your guests for free. The four-person indie band — who describe their musical style as a cross between Belle and Sebastian and the The Mamas & the Papas — play private dinners, launches or other events. All you have to do is e-mail them three good reasons why they should pick your party.

That’s what we call singing for your supper.

{via daily candy: london}

SOJUSTTOBECLEAR, this talented band of accordion-playing strangers will come hang out with you and engage in free musical performance if you feed them, with the only catch being that you must live in london.

edmund dulac & the golden age of illustration.

i've had a recent penchant for (relatively) obscure artists who worked mainly in illustration, possibly due to the fact that sitting in a studio and drawing all day sounds LOVELY. i've fallen hard for the collective works of edmund dulac, who had opportunity to illustrate the stories of shakespeare, edgar allen poe, hans christian andersen and the bronte sisters. edmund dulac was raised in france and then relocated to london, where he had a prominent and successful career in book illustration. he was fortunate to live and work during a time dubbed 'the golden age of illustration,' when books were commonly printed with luxurious color images. these images are a dreamy, blurry escape from winter's cold, gray skies.more images (and the stories they accompany!) can be found here.

Monday, January 25, 2010

meow.

i share a residence with

1. a fantastic common-law husband-slash-fiance;
2. two half-adorable, half-asshole dogs and
3. three extremely overweight and bitchy CATS.

the cats pretty much drive me bonkers on a minute-to-minute basis, which makes my fascination with funny cat pictures and funny cat youtube videos a mystery (refer to previous cat fascination here and here and here). nevertheless, i stumbled upon an online treasure trove of funny cat pictures today, called CATS ARE DOING SHIT. i know. the name needs work, but cut them some slack:Caption: In the 1920s, this cat was briefly editor of The New Yorker.

dik-dik.

dear brad-

valentine's day is just around the corner, and i know you've been scouring the Fire N' Ice collection at Zales, but i don't need any diamonds this year. alls i need is a dik-dik (no, not that kind, but thankyouallthesame). actually, i think i need two or three dik-diks. let's face it: if you can get dik-diks cheaper by the dozen, just get a couple dozen. so please stop whatever it is that you're doing right now, call up africa and say I NEED THREE DOZEN DIK-DIKS:these adorable miniature antelope are about 16" tall when fully grown and they get their name from the sound they make when they're scared. despite the fact that they are called dik-diks and hail from the east african bush, i suspect dik-diks are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. i challenge you to find anything more precious and adorable in this entire world.

love, kristina

ps-i will also need a magical fairy-land backyard and a dik-dik feeder.

{via cute overload.}

wedding hair and bouquet alternatives.

also a good look for a bride with no arms.{via ffffound.}

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

off with their heads: animal edition.

fear not, vegan friends! these animal heads are not only cruelty-free and an artistic tribute to nature's finer creatures, but also a delight for all walls, cannibalistic or not.

i know everyone has already seen the DELICIOUS carved animal heads from roost, but in case you've been living under a rock, here they are again. try not to drool on your keyboard. if the $869 price tag is a tad out of your price range (in this economic climate!), keep reading. (roost is also selling some sweet carved wood ducks, but this post is about animal heads, not ducks, so you'll have to check out the link for that.)(roost noble stag via velocity)(roost carved wood moose via velocity)(roost carved wood trophy heads via velocity)

for those of you designing on a dime (but still needing some beastiality up in your hiz), anthropologie just came up with a new, under $70 option.
(anthropologie savannah zebra)(anthropologie savannah rhino)(anthropologie savannah giraffe)

if you're not into the 3D options, or if you're afraid to poke your eye out, or if your dime needs to be stretched a bit further, here are some equally amazing framed options.
(wisteria donkey) SRSLY, wisteria has like, 50 animal options. i just showed the donkey one because i'm slightly partial to asses right now, but look at this grouping! (audrey, that bunny looks a little like queen beatrice von sauerkraut, no?)
and these are about the cutest thing i've ever seen. if i was into kids (i'm not), i might be inclined to mention how adorable these would be in your little boy's bedroom.(urban outfitters billy goat portrait)(urban outfitters polar bear portrait)

worth mentioning: this dandy cheetah's name is LORD GARLAND JENKINS. he has a monacle and bowtie. i sure hope we can register for wedding gifts at urban outfitters. feel free to purchase this for me.
(urban outfitters cheetah portrait)

Monday, January 11, 2010

(bon) voyage.

my friend audrey (the salt to my pepa) returns to london today. safe travels, friend. i will miss you and your no nonsense big time.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

things to work on in 2010, number 4.

when i was a wee lass (meaning gangly, awkward mess, ages 3-19), i loved reading. often, i would get into trouble for having my 'nose in a book' (cheryl's words, not mine) because i would be so wrapped up in the adventures of the bobbsey twins that i'd forget to do my chores. book-it feared me. they couldn't make personal pan pizzas fast enough. anyone else ever been in trouble for reading too much? i guess childhood in kansas was harsh. to my disappointment, i have fallen off the reading rainbow, and hardly ever crack a book these days. BOO. so this one is easy.4. read more, drink less. by the way, i'm stopping at four. if i've learned anything, it's that you have to set realistic and attainable goals.

i guess i'll start with the picture of dorian gray, by oscar wilde, shown in the bottom right. i got it for christmas, and plan to collect all the rest of these lovelies, designed for penguin by the brills coralie bickford-smith. after that, my books should be ready to pick up at the LIBRARY. yeah, that's right. i said library. guess who just registered for her new library card online? in space city (aka houston) you can get your own library power card here. you can reserve books and have them sent to the location of your choice, AND they have books on tape. who wants to go on a road trip?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

swear words = fun, or donkey wedding.

unless your local postal carrier hates you, you should have received a save-the-date from brad and i by now. but i wanted to put these on here anyway, because i find them hilarious. (obvious bias on my part.)
fortunately, the donkey theme doesn't end with the save-the-dates: i still get to dance my ass off at the wedding. for those of you not familiar with my dance moves, they basically involve me, making an ass of myself to the beat. ASS JOKES! hee-haw.

brad and i are not exactly what i'd call 'traditional wedding' people, and while we take the vows seriously, we struggled to embrace THE EXCITEMENT you are supposed to have about planning a wedding. and then we remembered that audrey's mom owns miniature donkeys. EXCITEMENT ENSUES. correct me if i'm wrong, but i sometimes get the impression that weddings are mainly for delicate, mannerly and refined gals who enjoy diction, poise and thinking before they speak. good news, fellow clods: weddings are for everyone. even clumsy, foul-mouthed gals like you and me.

our photos were taken by the TREMENDOUSLY talented stella and brian of stella alesi photography in austin, texas. every photo they took of us is fantastic, and you can't even tell that i have orange fake tan spots all over me (well, maybe if you look closely).

for the record, i made brad wear those mustard-colored socks. he will tell you that he would have preferred black, but black didn't match the flowers in my hair, his fancy hat or the tie i rounded up.


GET ON MY FEET ALREADY!

hi, Money? yeah, this is Wallet. looks like we don't need you to come in this week. could you just go down to the cash register at anthropologie? exactly... the same place you went last week. and the week before.
(frye woven reeds boots)

to be fair, i have two pair of frye boots already and i wear them all the time, all year long. the only way i could wear them more is if i had four feet instead of two, and could wear both pair at the same time. they are hands DOWN the best investment ever. i think my cost-per-wearing is in the hundredths of a cent, probably less, but decimals kind of confuse me. what? you don't know what a cost per wearing is? were you not in our nation's greatest youth program, 4-H? head, heart, health and hands, people. take the cost of what you purchased, divide by number of times you estimate to wear that item, and you'll have your cost per wearing. this simple math equation is especially helpful when you have a common-law husband who keeps an eye on the bank account.

{via anthropologie and the vinland valley 4-H club of douglas county, kansas}

things to work on in 2010, number 3.

thank god the holidays are over, right? i've sent the last of the holiday cookies and candy up to brad's office, which is TWO steps in the right direction: 1. get that sugary shit out of my house and 2. deliver it into the hands of the women brad works with, in an effort to fatten them up. everyone loves a chubby secretary, especially when she works in your common-law husband's office.

in my mind, there was absolutely no reason to try and work out during repeated bouts of gluttony over the holidays, but now that we've entered into the bleak, pale months of pre-spring, it is GYM TIME.3a. exercise, meaning yoga classes, running the three-mile loop at memorial and maybe an occasional crossfit class.
3b. eat healthier and make serious attempts to kick the bacon and sodas habit.

in case you be-hotches hadn't noticed, your body center (formerly located in a horrible, hard-to-find montrose spot) has moved to i-10, specifically, heights and i-10. check out their class schedule here. i'm going to start hitting that up, STAT. feel free to join me. i'm also considering doing the 21-day program at my fit foods. women typically lose 8-12 pounds on the program, and it shakes down to about $7 per meal, most of which are relatively tasty.

hey fatties...

this is certainly a lead-in to things to work on in 2010: number 3 (which is about how skinny i'm going to get on my coffee, iceberg lettuce, hot yoga and bulimia diet, not yet posted). Thanks Target.

Food fail: eyeballing portion sizes. Start the year off with an easy win: a set of porcelain Measure Up Bowls premarked to take the guesswork out of portion control.as an added bonus, you can save 25% by entering code DCANDY10 at check-out. offer good through january 30th, but i'll bet you a wooden nickel they sell out.

{via daily candy}

Saturday, January 2, 2010

things to work on in 2010, number 2.

Elderly couple Fran and Marlo walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for a whopping 62 years, and Marlo turned 90 this year.

man. if brad and i are this awesome when we're 90, someone better invite us to be on conan. or at least Great Day HOUSTON. so brad, make some time.

2. take lessons with brad. not sure if these will be piano, dance or other (or all three).

Friday, January 1, 2010

things to work on in 2010, number 1.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - maya angelou

damn, maya.
1. do my best to make the people i love feel appreciated, important and respected.

{photo by liz ham}