furniture problem, aka needlepoint problem.

so yesterday, we got one of those 'we tried to deliver a package but you weren't here so now you have to drive out to bumblefuck to pick it up your damn self' notes on our door. you know those notes-the peach ones? that don't tell you what the package is? and in his knight in shining armor-ly way, sugarbears was like, I'LL GO GET IT TOMORROW!! because he genuinely loves getting the mail more than any person i've ever known, and he is super nice, and doesn't mind going all the way over to the post office, which again, is inconveniently located at the corner of WHERE THE FUCK and RAPEY STREET. b-rad is really the best.

then SB calls me, and he was all, did you order knitting needles or something? and with me, you never really know what kind of wine-induced late night etsy shopping might yield, so it wasn't until later that i found out it WAS MY NEEDLEPOINT KIT. which you may or may not remember from this post. as a refresher, it will someday look like this:

but for now, it just looks like this.

womp womp.

i was super tempted to purchase it already needlepointed, however, the fabric map thingy was $60 and the FIBERS (don't you dare call them yarns, rookie) were an extra $25, plus i had to ship it here from florida, which is where the higher quality needlepoint kits come from these days, so i've already got $92.50 invested in this bad boy. any guesses on how much extra it costs to have someone stitch it on up for you? anyone? anyone? FOUR HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS, that's how much. i mean, that is what i THINK the lady said, but i couldn't really hear her over the sounds of las vegas slot machines going off in my head, thinking about all the money i could be making while sitting on my couch covered in fibers if i were a professional needlepointer.

so y'all pray for me, because if there's anything i'm good at, it is not finishing a project. case in point.

she's crafty: tassel stool.

i'm kind of over making resolutions (soooo 2010), but if there is one thing i would like to attempt more of in life, it's to finish projects that i start. and then actually blog about them. this is what i like to call SETTING REALISTIC AND ATTAINABLE GOALS, people. so this project has been sitting on deck for awhile, and this morning, over coffee and breakfast tacos, i totally killed it. killed it, took pictures, and now i'm blogging about it. boom goes the dynamite, but i'd like to reiterate that this is not a resolution: this is a commitment to completion and it coincides with early january; fuck resolutions dot com.

i bought this POS little stool at the guild shop, a houston thrifting treasure trove, for like $7. it was super fug. so fug that i had to hide it from b-rad. the thing is, i KNOW brad can see the potential in all the trash i drag home, but his secret motivational tool for encouraging me to transform things is to get really, really mad when i bring stuff home and yell that it is trash and a total waste of money and does he need to call hoarders? and be like my wife is hoarding a giant pile of things that belong in a landfill? so i don't have a BEFORE picture, because quite frankly, that is kind of like evidence of how bad this looked when i bought it. but it looks pretty fly now, right?

it had three layers of other fabrics on the seat, so based on the layers of gross that i peeled away this morning, it's at least the 4th incarnation of this stool. AND LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET: i re-upholstered it using a blouse. it's not as fluorescent as it looks below, but lemme tell ya: it is a fierce electric melon.

you don't actually need that much fabric to recover a cushion (or make a pillow, for that matter), so if you are already working on the cheap and kind of know what you are doing, thrift yourself a shirt or dress or badass blanket or curtain panel or any other textile in good condition. a half-yard of nice fabric can get expensive, but this 2X ladies' shirt was like a dollar. surely you bitches saw how nick olsen used a mexican blanket on a french chair in house beautiful and the world was like WHAAAA? pick one up for yourself next time you're at the fair.

i should mention that it really freaks me out to post pictures of my own house, because the things that go on or go in here are things i would NEVER do for a client. my style is 'bizarre tchotchke clutter pattern explosion + animals' and we don't seem to sell a whole lotta that in the high-end interior world, so i like to save it for my yours truly. it's really a specialty niche, after all. people like kate spade and herve pierre and abigail ahern know what i am talking about, y'all.

so just in case you're curious, and because i made brad take pictures, here are some action photos. wallpaper shown is cole and son matsu pines; bed is custom, lucite lamp is arteriors and you may have also noticed my 5-year journal (still amazing) and 4-H ribbon from previous posts.

outermost layer. if it looks really fancy in this photo, it's because brad is practically ansel adams.

second incarnation. this version totally had a crush on jake ryan.

true OG velvet layer with welt trim, aka ol' dirty bastard.

prior to diy-ing, get manicure, put on bunny sweater.

counter-clockwise and keep it tight, bitches.

i'm a giant (weirdo) update.

when i say doll, you say house. DOLL. HOUSE. DOLL. HOUSE.

dollhouse-ery took a turn this week when i decided to gold leaf my living room ceiling. you see, i had some gold leaf materials, which i had never used, nor never tried. being the highly over-confident person that i am, i thought using gold leaf for the first time ever, in my neverland ranch dollhouse for adults, would be easy. i was a little bit wrong. or, as they say on my favorite television program (which is coming back, y'all!!!), i made a huge tiny mistake. what i'm trying to say is that, while there IS some gold leaf on the ceiling of my dollhouse, there is also gold leaf aaaaaaalllllllllllllllllllll over this casa. it is stuck to my nails, it is all over the floor, it is in my clothes, it is in sugarbear's golf materials and crosswords. and there have been some extremely elegant moments on our recent dog walks, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING. i'm talking fancy poop, people! like straight goldschläger class. i'm surprised the kardashians haven't thought of this yet. anyway, i digress. aside from the giant nightmare on the ceiling, i have made a ladder out of twigs from the magnolia tree in our front yard. mainly because i am not down with the kit-supplied stairs, either labor-wise or space-wise. this ladder MIGHT get a re-do (probably not), where i paint the twigs black or gray. stay tuned.

LISZT BUSTZ. that stays. so cool, right? it will be a sculpture in this house, because these tiny dwellers are loaded. also, i got that sweet black and white watch in round top, which works! and will become the wall clock somewhere.

lest things get too fancy, i am incorporating a large wall photo of one of the wilson family idols, the late great john wayne (duke, not gacy). you see, the duke passed away while my mother was pregnant with me, so in my baby book, it looks like this: page one, john wayne's obituary. page two, BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT! and my baby photo. also, for as long as i can remember, there has been a framed photo of the duke in my parent's house, so i thought it would be cool to incorporate into this tiny house of unhealthy child-like dreams. don't act like i am making this up, people. in my family, the stories really write themselves.

so back to this DH-i plan to make a beaded chandelier this weekend, with nothing but my wits and those steel rings. and maybe some wires and beads. and probably it will go in the kitchen? i need some flare in there, although my table top did arrive via etsy, and it is a record!! of the soundtrack to my most favorite movie ever, the sound of music.

oh, and i picked up some POS candlestick thing, which has tiny elephant heads as legs?? so this will become a table of some sort, perchances. it needs a new top situation, as i tore it up pretty bad before enlisting the help of b-rad. lastly, doorknob and iddy biddy widdle keys. stupid cute. are you making your own dollhouse yet? WHY ARE SO FEW PEOPLE COMMENTING ON THESE DOLLHOUSE POSTS? i do this mainly for the fun but i would be lying if i said that i need to hear what you are thinking, even if it is like BITCH YOU CRAZY or something. i mean my dog is pooping gold, for crying out loud. holler if you hear me already.

wooderson (wallpaper).

OH SNAP. they are selling my dollhouse wallpaper (dollpaper?) at anthropologies, y'all. and here i thought it had been discontinued in this colorway... perk up your own (doll or regular) house with a few rolls of THIS.

i'm a giant (weirdo).

so have i told you that i'm building a dollhouse? emily henderson (blogger extraordinaire and host of secrets from a stylist) has cooked up a wack-a-doo challenge called I'M A GIANT, where a group of design bloggers all build dollhouses. super strange, right? which is why i'm totally on board, duh. you can check out the badassery at any of these blogs:

emily henderson - style by emily henderson

morgan satterfield - the brick house

erin loechner - design for mankind

corbett - girl domestic

nicole balch - making it lovely

jenny komenda - little green notebook

kirsten grove - simply grove

orlando soria (also from SFAS)- hommemaker

and then there are just some random people killing it. hopefully i will fall into this category. but probably not, since there are people like this guy, building a geodesic dollhouse. and all of his own furniture. insane. or this chick, who i think is somewheres in the UK, and not really participating or even aware of the challenge, but who shall be used as a measure of my success.

there is no prize for best dollhouse or anything, which has perplexed the hell out of sugarbear. after shopping online and finding several dollhouses in the $300-$500 category that were PERFECT, i decided to take b-rad's advice and check out the in-person offerings over at hobby lobby, where, in an uncharacteristic display of restraint, i decided to go small and cheap. the selections are minimal compared to the hundreds available at online dollhouse kit stores, but my needs for instant gratification kicked in and i rolled home with the orchard cottage (and the vermont farmhouse jr., which i will return at some point. hey-old habits die hard.). i'm totally making the orchard cottage (desperately needing a new moniker; suggestions welcome) because it was only $30 for the kit and i knew brad would be thrilled with that. vermont farmhouse jr. is massive (and was $100 for the kit) and dollhouse furniture is expensive, so i figured furnishing four rooms (or just building the four rooms) has to be considerably faster and cheaper than the larger homes. for instance, do y'all know the bloggess? i have absolutely no idea how jennifer managed to build and furnish her haunted dollhouse, but aside from noticing how awesome it is, i see dollar signs. SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, here are some in-progress shots of my dollhouse.

this is the floor model. no way mine is going to look this cheesy. i immediately nixed the cheap windows... i mean, idon't want this thing to look like it cost $30.

a very optimistic day one. see all those thin sheets of wood? yeah. full of tiny little pieces that you are supposed to glue together, in perfect sequence, while alternately painting or wallpapering before it was too late. thank heavens i found an illustrated instruction guide online, because the instructions included are just words. see 'em there? on the left? those giant sheets with lots of words, that are horribly undescriptive? the makers of this dollhouse kit are assholes.

the window! aka pieces that all should have been painted first. le whoops. not the first of what has turned into many mistakes.

stuccoing the outside, or as i like to call it, PRETTY MUCH THE FIRST TIME I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING INNOVATIVE. it requires so much concentration just to build this thing that i don't know how much improvising i can do. and let's not kid ourselves: most of my improvising is going to be shortcuts, okay?

boom. stucco'd and painted, although i'm not totes sold on the color. there are millions of tiny shingles that have to be glued on one by one and painted. those shingles are going to blow.

WALLPAPERS. in my living room. every bit as hard as it looks, and if you thought it looked easy, you are probably also in the midst of your own dollhouse project, right? do you want to come over here where we can console ourselves? btdubs, it's the cole and sons woods wallpaper in the terracotta colorway (which is pretty much salmon) with gold metallic trees.

dining room with leather and black cork striped floors. these were going to be some badass kind of tile pattern, like herringbone, but i scaled way, way back on the plan, because i'm not sure if i mentioned this, but dollhouse-ing IS NOT EASY. which is why the living room got woven raffia, and not the wood floors as originally planned.

ikea maskros.

i saw this over the weekend on pinterest--sidenote: are y'all on pinterest? you should be. it is rad and you can follow my pinterest boards here. my tagline for pinterest would probably have to be 'if you like al gore's internet and pictures in general, then you will love pinterest.' end sidenote--and it got me to thinking... WHEN ARE WE MAKING THIS THANG AUDREY? that's all. have a super monday, bfaces.

{image via here.}

surprise like: windsor chairs.

DUDE. i didn't even think i liked windsor chairs, and then i saw this. so you're telling me those be-hotches will look amazing if they are simply painted an unexpected color? thanks mfamb.

so with these chairs on the brain, i suppose, i stumbled across this hot pink bentwood beauty on west elm. i don't recall if they ever sold them or not, but they don't now. still though... i am kind of obsessed with painted chairs.

do you have $95?

i should really start being more open about my deep and abiding love for gold spray paint in the future, not just because i use it All. The. Time, but also because this

plus this

equals this.

and if amy butler thinks it's okay, i'm hopping on it. check out more pictures of amy butler's cute house on apartment therapy here.

{via little green notebook, and homegirl posted her personal ikea makros hack project too.}

put a bird on it.

are you watching portlandia? i am going to have to start, because this video that carolyn brought to my attentions is up an' hilarious. put a bird on it should be the solution to all things in life, but unfortunately, many of our interior design clients are terrified of birds.
a partial excerpt from the show's website: The 6-part IFC Original short-based comedy series PORTLANDIA, created, written by and starring Fred Armisen (SNL) and Carrie Brownstein (vocalist/guitarist, WILD FLAG, Sleater-Kinney), premiered on IFC Friday, January 21, 2011. Each episode's character-based shorts draw viewers into "Portlandia," the creators' dreamy and absurd rendering of Portland, Oregon.

"I love Portlandia. It really represents so much of what I love culturally, musically and in so many other ways," said Fred Armisen. "This started as just a fun summer activity for Carrie and me. We'd be hanging out in Portland and shooting whatever made us laugh, and that evolved into Portlandia."

PORTLANDIA's inhabitants include but are not limited to: the owners of a feminist book store; a militant bike messenger; an artsy couple who attach cut-outs of birds to everything ("put a bird on it!"); an organic farmer who turns out to be a cult leader; an adult hide and seek league; and a punk rock couple negotiating a "safe word" to help govern their love life. The first episode depicts Armisen and Brownstein meeting with the Mayor of Portland (Kyle MacLachlan) who solicits the duo to write a new theme song for the city. This segment features a cameo from the real mayor of Portland (Sam Adams) playing the assistant to MacLachlan's "mayor." Much of the series' original music is written and performed by Armisen and Brownstein.

anna dello russo for net-a-porter.

it's been collecting dust in the inbox for ten days, but fashion director of japanese vogue and (fashion) blogger anna dello russo's feature in net-a-porter's magazine is still fresh. AND SUPER WACK. you simply must watch the (short) interview with anna at the bottom of this post. she's a treasure, as i've mentioned before, and i find her fascinating to watch, especially when she talks about her fanny pack. the first look (ship sailing through the waves of hair; basket purse) is my favorite. or the look with the hair-hat that doubles as a tea party. or the one with the feather boa horse mane hair. or the one with the mushroom headband veil and basket purse-holder. BARG. i just realized she has a pink glitter lobster on her cabeza in one of these photos, so i officially cannot select a favorite. i love that this shoot also features cucciolina the dog and BASKET in supporting roles. if you saw the clear lucite purse in look 5 (hair hat tea party) and started annadellodrooling, you should check out this mind-numbing DIY over at honestly wtf.

crazy designers are the best designers.

this is like, S O O L D. but i've been meaning to post because it is super cray, and i just have an overwhelming obsession with insanity. by the selby: herve pierre - creative director for carolina herrera - at his home - new york city - june 16th 2010. i am obsessed with the wackadoo (borderline creepy) glove curtain tie-backs, the positively brilliant use of cardboard as something fancy, and if i don't find a tiny baby chair to hold my toilet paper soon, i might die.