Thursday, January 5, 2012

don't die on me, and also the gift of life.

based on aggressive internet research, it looks like i am not the only wildcat that gave 2011 two thumbs down and thought at multiple times events of 2011 would be the death of me, so it's nice to see that people are already rallying for a stellar 2012. however, further internet research revealed (I KNOW. I'M PRACTICALLY LISBETH FUCKING SALANDER OVER HERE.) that everyone on the planet that i know or even six degrees kind of know is effing with child. i only wish i were kidding dot com. this probably includes you or is about to include you, so gird your loins and maybe hoist a 'no trespassing' sign outside your ladyflower unless you are in the mood for a case of the babies, in which case i proclaim THIS IS TOTALLY YOUR YEAR. also if you tell me you are not pregnant i will assume we both know you are lying and i will go about my business as normal.

also i need to clarify, because sometimes pregnant people can be emotional and may or may not be tired/hungry/achy/sad/happy/grumpy--i genuinely believe that it is super awesome you are all pregnant. i'm totally coming to your shower and-slash-or getting you something awesome from your registry, or at least a fierce gift card, because i love you and your unborn baby or twin babies!!!!! IT IS JUST A LITTLE WEIRD FOR ME THAT I KNOW LIKE SIXTY PREGNANT PEOPLE, is all i'm saying. i am truly very happy and excited for all of you.

even though this is totally like village of the damned.

{image via pinterest.}
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