wedding hair and bouquet alternatives.

also a good look for a bride with no arms.{via ffffound.}

off with their heads: animal edition.

fear not, vegan friends! these animal heads are not only cruelty-free and an artistic tribute to nature's finer creatures, but also a delight for all walls, cannibalistic or not.

i know everyone has already seen the DELICIOUS carved animal heads from roost, but in case you've been living under a rock, here they are again. try not to drool on your keyboard. if the $869 price tag is a tad out of your price range (in this economic climate!), keep reading. (roost is also selling some sweet carved wood ducks, but this post is about animal heads, not ducks, so you'll have to check out the link for that.)(roost noble stag via velocity)(roost carved wood moose via velocity)(roost carved wood trophy heads via velocity)

for those of you designing on a dime (but still needing some beastiality up in your hiz), anthropologie just came up with a new, under $70 option.
(anthropologie savannah zebra)(anthropologie savannah rhino)(anthropologie savannah giraffe)

if you're not into the 3D options, or if you're afraid to poke your eye out, or if your dime needs to be stretched a bit further, here are some equally amazing framed options.
(wisteria donkey) SRSLY, wisteria has like, 50 animal options. i just showed the donkey one because i'm slightly partial to asses right now, but look at this grouping! (audrey, that bunny looks a little like queen beatrice von sauerkraut, no?)
and these are about the cutest thing i've ever seen. if i was into kids (i'm not), i might be inclined to mention how adorable these would be in your little boy's bedroom.(urban outfitters billy goat portrait)(urban outfitters polar bear portrait)

worth mentioning: this dandy cheetah's name is LORD GARLAND JENKINS. he has a monacle and bowtie. i sure hope we can register for wedding gifts at urban outfitters. feel free to purchase this for me.
(urban outfitters cheetah portrait)

(bon) voyage.

my friend audrey (the salt to my pepa) returns to london today. safe travels, friend. i will miss you and your no nonsense big time.

things to work on in 2010, number 4.

when i was a wee lass (meaning gangly, awkward mess, ages 3-19), i loved reading. often, i would get into trouble for having my 'nose in a book' (cheryl's words, not mine) because i would be so wrapped up in the adventures of the bobbsey twins that i'd forget to do my chores. book-it feared me. they couldn't make personal pan pizzas fast enough. anyone else ever been in trouble for reading too much? i guess childhood in kansas was harsh. to my disappointment, i have fallen off the reading rainbow, and hardly ever crack a book these days. BOO. so this one is easy.4. read more, drink less. by the way, i'm stopping at four. if i've learned anything, it's that you have to set realistic and attainable goals.

i guess i'll start with the picture of dorian gray, by oscar wilde, shown in the bottom right. i got it for christmas, and plan to collect all the rest of these lovelies, designed for penguin by the brills coralie bickford-smith. after that, my books should be ready to pick up at the LIBRARY. yeah, that's right. i said library. guess who just registered for her new library card online? in space city (aka houston) you can get your own library power card here. you can reserve books and have them sent to the location of your choice, AND they have books on tape. who wants to go on a road trip?

swear words = fun, or donkey wedding.

unless your local postal carrier hates you, you should have received a save-the-date from brad and i by now. but i wanted to put these on here anyway, because i find them hilarious. (obvious bias on my part.)
fortunately, the donkey theme doesn't end with the save-the-dates: i still get to dance my ass off at the wedding. for those of you not familiar with my dance moves, they basically involve me, making an ass of myself to the beat. ASS JOKES! hee-haw.

brad and i are not exactly what i'd call 'traditional wedding' people, and while we take the vows seriously, we struggled to embrace THE EXCITEMENT you are supposed to have about planning a wedding. and then we remembered that audrey's mom owns miniature donkeys. EXCITEMENT ENSUES. correct me if i'm wrong, but i sometimes get the impression that weddings are mainly for delicate, mannerly and refined gals who enjoy diction, poise and thinking before they speak. good news, fellow clods: weddings are for everyone. even clumsy, foul-mouthed gals like you and me.

our photos were taken by the TREMENDOUSLY talented stella and brian of stella alesi photography in austin, texas. every photo they took of us is fantastic, and you can't even tell that i have orange fake tan spots all over me (well, maybe if you look closely).

for the record, i made brad wear those mustard-colored socks. he will tell you that he would have preferred black, but black didn't match the flowers in my hair, his fancy hat or the tie i rounded up.

GET ON MY FEET ALREADY!

hi, Money? yeah, this is Wallet. looks like we don't need you to come in this week. could you just go down to the cash register at anthropologie? exactly... the same place you went last week. and the week before.

(frye woven reeds boots)

(screened-in gladiators)

to be fair, i have two pair of frye boots already and i wear them all the time, all year long. the only way i could wear them more is if i had four feet instead of two, and could wear both pair at the same time. they are hands DOWN the best investment ever. i think my cost-per-wearing is in the hundredths of a cent, probably less, but decimals kind of confuse me. what? you don't know what a cost per wearing is? were you not in our nation's greatest youth program, 4-H? head, heart, health and hands, people. take the cost of what you purchased, divide by number of times you estimate to wear that item, and you'll have your cost per wearing. this simple math equation is especially helpful when you have a common-law husband who keeps an eye on the bank account.

{via anthropologie and the vinland valley 4-H club of douglas county, kansas}

things to work on in 2010, number 3.

thank god the holidays are over, right? i've sent the last of the holiday cookies and candy up to brad's office, which is TWO steps in the right direction: 1. get that sugary shit out of my house and 2. deliver it into the hands of the women brad works with, in an effort to fatten them up. everyone loves a chubby secretary, especially when she works in your common-law husband's office.

in my mind, there was absolutely no reason to try and work out during repeated bouts of gluttony over the holidays, but now that we've entered into the bleak, pale months of pre-spring, it is GYM TIME.3a. exercise, meaning yoga classes, running the three-mile loop at memorial and maybe an occasional crossfit class.
3b. eat healthier and make serious attempts to kick the bacon and sodas habit.

in case you be-hotches hadn't noticed, your body center (formerly located in a horrible, hard-to-find montrose spot) has moved to i-10, specifically, heights and i-10. check out their class schedule here. i'm going to start hitting that up, STAT. feel free to join me. i'm also considering doing the 21-day program at my fit foods. women typically lose 8-12 pounds on the program, and it shakes down to about $7 per meal, most of which are relatively tasty.

hey fatties...

this is certainly a lead-in to things to work on in 2010: number 3 (which is about how skinny i'm going to get on my coffee, iceberg lettuce, hot yoga and bulimia diet, not yet posted). Thanks Target.

Food fail: eyeballing portion sizes. Start the year off with an easy win: a set of porcelain Measure Up Bowls premarked to take the guesswork out of portion control.as an added bonus, you can save 25% by entering code DCANDY10 at check-out. offer good through january 30th, but i'll bet you a wooden nickel they sell out.

{via daily candy}

things to work on in 2010, number 2.

Elderly couple Fran and Marlo walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for a whopping 62 years, and Marlo turned 90 this year.

man. if brad and i are this awesome when we're 90, someone better invite us to be on conan. or at least Great Day HOUSTON. so brad, make some time.

2. take lessons with brad. not sure if these will be piano, dance or other (or all three).

{via a cup of jo}

things to work on in 2010, number 1.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - maya angelou

damn, maya.

1. do my best to make the people i love feel appreciated, important and respected.

{photo by liz ham}