ban.do it to me.

i'm extremely tardy to the party on this post, but i'm pretty sure you'll still owe me some danke schoen's when this is over. ever heard of ban.do? from what i can tell, they're an l.a. company that makes bad-ass accessories, mainly for your hair. recently, they came out with a new line called heart by ban.do, and it practically gave me a heart murmur. i want one of everything, and i want it in every color. while we're at it, i'd like an assortment of striped t-shirts. and a pony. so get on that, santa.

they also have some breathtaking pieces in their other collections that are less on the affordable side, but worth it for that special occasion, such as anytime you attempt to see CAKE in concert (better arrive 2 hours early) or the day taylor lautner turns 18 (february 11th, 2010). i could tooooootally make these, but let's face it: i am amazing at planning craft projects but my follow-through is lacking.

having a bad day?

consider it over. unless you're not into cats.

bookworm.

i have been inundated of late (huh?) with craft projects involving pages from various books, and i'm pretty jazzed about it. have i mentioned how much i love books? i really do. they are like educational crack, and i find that, when piled about the joint, they add heaps of charm to most homes. so this little number, courtesy of pottery barn, is on my to-do list short list. when i get it figured out, i'll attempt some sort of editorial do-it-yourself tutorial. or maybe i'll just dig around on al gore's interweb, and see if someone else already did it (like this gal). i think it would be super cute for valentine's day, which, whether you like it or not, is just around the corner. what? we can prep for stupid christmas seven months in advance, but not valentines? i should add that the caddywompus matching bedding is giving me an OCD heart attack. why not just have both beds the same, already?

i don't know if it's due to october being national book month, or because november was national novel writing month (nanowrimo, for you insiders), but book recycling is really on a hot streak. that's bueno with me, because if i'm going to rip up some tomes (THE HORRORS!), i'd like to max out my crafting opportunities. i'm not sure when i would use this book bunting, but man. it sure is rad. maybe it could hang at that bitchin' valentine's party you're going to throw (see aforementioned Wreath Project). and p.s.- if you don't like homemade bunting, your heart may as well be a giant block of coal.last night, in an effort to kick off my valentine's crafting, i searched through our extensive book collection hoping to find a few that could be re-appropriated to the craft room. i only came up with one book that i thought i could part with, and it turned out to be brad's. for those of you not familiar with brad, you should first know that he is a lot smarter than me. he is a savant, an intellectual, a scholar. he has a ton of really smarty pants books written by aristotle, dante and ayn rand, and he's READ THEM. my book collection, on the other hand, includes literary classics such as the hardy boys, the twilight series, rolling stone's top 500 albums of all time, and Name That Baby, circa 1976. you know, in case you want to name your daughter jennifer. there are times when i don't think brad takes my book-collecting very seriously, but that isn't why our bookshelves are a major sore spot. it probably stems from the time i insisted brad purchase a huge shelving system (from ikea) which i quickly painted (badly) and we assembled, and all of this went down approximately 3 hours prior to having a major party at our house. okay, not 3 hours. that would be crazy. it was more like 32 hours. my partner in crime (aka the guest of honor), audrey, came over to help arrange the books and accessories on the shelves, and we worked late into the night unpacking the nine katrillion boxes of books that had been sitting in the living room for nearly a year. people never understand that unless you work in a library, there is an ART involved with bookshelf-arranging. it takes TIME and there are RULES. you need to incorporate a lot of non-book items, like trophies you won in 1984 at the douglas county fair turtle race. books have to be stacked both vertically and horizontally, and often need to be sorted by color and size, sometimes by subject matter. book jackets should be removed from your books (and i don't care who you think you are: book jackets are ugly and they belong in the trash)... UNLESS those book jackets are on first editions of very important fancy books that your fiance (common law husband) owns. so despite the fact that i lied, and told brad that the book jackets had been saved in a box, and despite the fact that i was able to retrieve all but one first edition book jacket (uh, from the trash), and despite the fact that i ironed all of them and returned them to their respective covers, brad was angry and has chosen to be kind of grumpy about our now-amazing bookshelves. not as angry as the time we went to new orleans and i got us kicked out of our hotel by trying to sneak in steve, but pretty mad. that's another story though. so enjoy your bibliophile crafts, but do yourself a favor, and don't try to use any of brad's books.

{via oh so beautiful paper, the sweetest occasion, two and six}

friday's blast from the past: little red, riding in the hood.

PREFACE FOR CONTEXT: my beautiful friend leah used to spend her days teaching middle school children. as one of the coolest people i know, it always fascinated me to hear about the interesting assignments she had for her kids, which almost always resulted in hilarity.

COMMENCE BLAST: 07.21.2005

Friends and Fellow Educators,

Right now one of my students is writing his parody of the classic children's tale, Little Red Riding Hood. And see there is this girl named Little Red. She drives a 64 Impala with 22s and spinners and a crunk system. Little Red is going to see her grandma (she calls her G-Ma) who just got out of jail. Sadly, G-Ma can’t stay away from the pipe. So G-Ma contacts her dealer as soon as she gets back to her crib. His name is Wolf. For reasons yet to be determined, Wolf pops a cap in G-Ma just as Little Red is pulling up. Fortunately The P.I.M.P. was hangin’ down on the corner and heard the gunshots. He told Little Red that he thought she might run into some trouble up in G-Ma’s place. So Little Red grabbed her .45 and found Wolf stuffing G-Ma in her closet. Little Red then blew Wolf away.

Isn’t that adorable?

I really like the feminist themes in this modern day approach to an old favorite. I think that this is certainly a commentary on how far women have come in this world. No longer is it a story about what happens when pretty little white girls talk to strangers, because in this post-modern era men need to be reminded that you don’t mess with a girl’s family or she’ll take you out.

words to live (and die) by.

{via the bedlam of beefy}

snow job.

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. it is mighty cold today in houston (which isn't saying a lot) and it reminded me of all the fantastic times i've been sledding. growing up in kansas (REDNECK ALERT), we were heavy on snow and light on mountains, so a certain degree of creativity was required for sledding. in the early days, to get our sleds up to maximum speed, my dad would tie our sleds to the back of his pickup truck with varying lengths of rope (obviously, an extremely safe way to travel) and then he'd haul ass around in the fields behind the house. these were the old-school wooden sleds with metal runners, and it was always pretty fun until the sleds got tangled together after a sharp turn (almost always resulting in tears and/or someone stomping back to the house).

one year my father, ever the engineer, fixed the tangling problem when he acquired several 50-gallon drum barrels made of plastic. he cut the barrels in half lengthwise and strung them together with ropes, so the finished product was kind of like a train. scaredy cats rode in the front, and the badass of the crew would ride in the back (aka CABOOSE), because as you experienced sledders know, the back is the most difficult (aka DANGEROUS) place to ride. one of my brothers pointed out that the back sled is WOBBLY because there is no sled behind it to keep it taught and upright. additionally, the back sled is subject to the 'crack the whip' feature and it also gets all of the kicked up snow from the first five sleds. that's right, i said first five, meaning we had a total of six sleds in our barrel sled contraption. when you grow up with 5 brothers and sisters, you don't like to share ANYTHING, eeeeeeespecially your barrel sled. i'm pretty sure those barrel sleds still get a lot of action, since they can now be pulled behind the 4-wheelers. i couldn't locate any photos of their inaugural ride, but my cousin's wife took these last winter. at some point, the sleds must have been modified from the original configuration of 6 barrels to 4 (likely for speed purposes). you'll also notice that some members of the sledding team are wearing ski goggles for safety. SMART.

please note the caboose area on photo numero dos... that's an action shot of someone taking a spill, and from the looks of the third photo, that weenie got left behind. btw, i googled 'barrel sleds' and found NOTHING, so it's safe to say my dad is really missing out on the licensing opportunities and lucrative profits of barrel sleds.

also, i only remember it being around for one winter, but my uncle (the same uncle that threw snowballs with rocks inside of them) made a giant sled out of the hood of a car. i think it had a mattress thrown inside for comfort. naturally, the car hood was only used for sledding on ROADS, specifically back-country gravel roads, where most of the time, we never passed other vehicles. if the road didn't have enough snow on it, our uncle would throw the car hood into the ditch and we'd sled there until we came to a bridge. did i mention how safe it was? anyway, no one ever died. there were massive injuries from the rock-snowballs, but no sledding casualties.

so happy winter. practice safe sledding and try not to freeze your balls off.

maker's mark bourbon eggnog.

if christmas season is going to start the day after halloween, can we at least get the ball rolling a tad sooner on this magic elixer? i feel like the booze-nog doesn't rear his head until nearly thanksgiving, which, let's face it, is not nearly soon enough. so if your season isn't merry and bright just yet, whet your whistle with this and make the holidays go down a little smoother.

Maker's Mark Bourbon Eggnog

1 Liter Maker’s Mark
1 Quart milk
1 Quart heavy cream
2 Dozen eggs (pasteurized eggs if you can find them)
1 1/2 Cups sugar
Nutmeg for garnish

Separate eggs and beat the yolks until creamy.
Whip sugar into the yolks, then beat the whites until they stand in peaks, adding a 1/2 cup of additional sugar if desired.
Beat the yolks and Maker’s Mark together and add the whites.
Beat cream into a froth, then add milk and cream to the egg mixture.
Add nutmeg to taste and garnish each cup with a dash of nutmeg for a dash of color.

Makes 2 1/2 gallons.

{via maker's mark}

cb2 holiday wreath.

i have to admit, this is pretty cute. granted, the folks at cb2 are hitting the holiday crack pipe a little hard if they think i'm going to purchase 81 of their ornaments at $4.95 each... but i'm sure everyone knows of a good dollar store or target bin to hit up. or maybe some of you hoarders shopped the sales last year and stocked up on ornaments. either way, the holidays are here, so deck the halls and pass the eggnog (and by 'eggnog', i of course mean 'bourbon'.). instructions for making the wreath are below, and i'll be on the lookout for a solid 'nog recipe.

CB2 Holiday Wreath

Supplies:
1. Strong stiff wire that can be bent into a ring. We used aluminum wire gauge 20, about 55” long–due to the scale of the products in the shot, our wreath was rather large, about 28″ in diameter. A wire hanger is also a simple way to go.

2. Ornaments. We used a total of 81 ornaments. For a smaller version, we’re guessing you could make a 14” wreath with about a third of the ornaments depending on how full you wanted it.

3. Strong tape to fasten the ends of the wire ring together or, pliers to twist the ends of the wire ring together.

4. Ribbon to hang the wreath.
Directions:
1. String one ornament at a time onto the wire ring, alternating colors, using smaller ones to fill in the gaps.

2. When the ring is completely covered in ornaments, fasten the ends together.

3. Use a ribbon to cover the spot where the ends are fastened together, and hang!

Tip: best not to go too large in diameter as the wreath could become too heavy and stretch out.

(full post available here.)

i don't know about the rest o' y'all, but i'm headed to my friendly neighborhood christmas wholesaler asap. those of you in the houston area (that own businesses and have valid tax id's) can feel free to poach one of my best sources for the good shit:

arcadia

110015 s. sam houston pkwy west

houston, tx 77031

friday's blast from the past: hoop (there it is).

since this is a very organized and strictly regulated blog, i would like to introduce a new feature article called FRIDAY'S BLAST FROM THE PAST. this article may or may not recur, and that recurrance may or may not happen on fridays, but i feel pretty confident that i will enjoy this feature a lot, so deal with it. after all, this blog is about me.

i recently got a new computer (thanks, sugar brad-dy) and went through a brief phase of organizing my e-self. i organized all my folders, deleted all the photos of jack-asses that i used to date (which took DAYS), and got all my emails forwarded to one account. the email thing was kind of like christmas and a crack pipe all rolled into one, because i got to enjoy re-reading all the hilarious emails from my friends. so, whenever i think of it, or when it's friday (and sometimes, both of those will occur simultaneously) i will be posting one of these knee-slappers. i'll even throw in a little

PREFACE FOR CONTEXT: i lived in chicago for awhile. it was a weird, freezing-ass time, and a lot of strange things happened to me. i won dance contests and experimented with different hair colors. this was from 2005-6 ish, so the email below, as with all BLASTS FROM THE PAST, is a little outdated. i realize aaron carter was just on dancing with the stars, but back then, he was just another teenage douchebag.

COMMENCE BLAST: 07.19.2005

as you all know, i am quite popular, and once again, this has led to an invitation to "hang" with "celebrities." this past weekend, my new australian friend, emily, invited me to go to a "celebrity" basketball game, more specifically, the 'N Sync-Knights vs. Daze Charity Basketball Fundraiser. before you ask, yes, our tickets were free, and no, we did not win them in a dance competition. the tickets were given to emily as a company "perk," but i should clarify that the words "celebrity" and "perk" were being thrown around loosely, as you'll see...

obviously, we had anticipated seeing the likes of justin timberlake, lance bass, jc chasez, joey fatone (the big one) and the other 'n sync-er (the coolio-hair one), but i was shocked to see that the rest of the "all-stars" were people such as taye diggs (famous for being shirtless), aaron carter (famous for being the only one in the fam without jail time), shannon elizabeth (famous for removing clothing and marrying ugly guy), the black guy from scrubs, the pregnant girl from the WB's seventh heaven, and a passel of no-name, presumably WB actors. and the boy host from ET was there, calling the game. the one thing we did not take into consideration was that since these were "perk" tickets, we had seats on the 3rd row, half-court line... right in the middle of about 10 million 13-year old screaming girls, all who apparently watch a lot of the WB and still have not heard about 'n sync's breakup. since we arrived for the fourth quarter, aka "joke and funny business time," we got to see antics such as: attempting and missing sweet half-court shots, breakdancing at center court, and doing the wave on the benches. i really had my heart set on seeing some serious basketball, so i was naturally disappointed, until they started throwing "prizes" into the stands: visors (orange), t-shirts (XL), mini-basketballs (good quality), etc.

the throwing of prizes brought on another "perk": 13-year old girls diving on top of one another to catch the various crap that was being thrown. to my dismay, i was accidentally looking at aaron carter at the same time he was throwing a t-shirt, and he threw it right to me. it would have hit me in the face if i didn't catch it... but the real highlight is that after i caught it, he gives me this dirty wink, with his mouth open, and possibly some lip-licking? does everyone agree that he might be 15? or definitely under 18? boy, did i feel old and violated. so anyway, that is what i did this weekend. there are many other cockamamie things that happened that day, but i'm trying to trim the fat a little here.

look for me in us weekly-

kristina


RESPONSE FROM AUDREY:

hmmm...i was really excited about letting everyone know that i saw dan from 'the real world miami' at the movies over the weekend - i'm pretty sure that although aaron carter is by no means an "a-lister" in hollywood, he still trumps a has-been reality star who will now finish out his life as a perpetual 'real world/road rules challenge-er'. also, i am almost embarrassed to say that i received no winks, free t-shirts, or lip licks from my celebrity encounter - i'm pretty sure taylor did, though.

i will admit that i had to do some serious self-talking to keep myself from rushing over to him and asking a thousand questions about his stint in reality television. also, taylor had to tell me twice that i had no reason to attain his autograph.

so, kristina, you may "hooping it up" with b-listers, but i'm going to movies with d-listers.

Dan:

From: Anytown, Nowhere
Sign: Cancer
Mood: Whatever
RESPONSE FROM MEREDITH:

What a perfect opportunity to tell of my encounters with fame. Although they weren't very recent, I still have not washed my hand that John Mayer touched. You may think that's gross, but that means you aren't a true fan, and in that case your body is probably not a wonderland either.

Jennifer and I met John Mayer in the Spring of 2002 outside the Austin City Music Hall. It was 3 a.m. and as we approached him he was making the rounds of kissing a bunch of what I have no doubt were 14 year olds. (I thought to myself, that makes me HOT!) So we approached him the same time as the girls left and a reporter walked up. The reporter asked John if he could ask him a question to which I replied, "That is a question." I knew his admiration for middle school girls so I had to throw that comment in there. The reporter then asked him how his "new" fame had changed his life and he replied, "well I dont cry myself to sleep at night." Jennifer then said "We don't either" and he then said "Well, let's just put it this way, I used to think I was good, now I know I am." Then I immediately blew smoke in his face. He looked at me with disgust but then proceeded to invite us on his bus to go to Dallas with him. We declined, I think we were still in awe from what a cool and honorable guy he seemed to be.

I have to throw in that this was the same weekend Jennifer pissed off Major Applewhite at the bar by talking crap about Texas Football and declaring her pride for Oklahoma.

I hate to brag, but Sinbad was also on my plane once and I am confident he was impressed with my drunk-ness and fake i.d.

So, there it is. My bouts with fame. I am still hoping to meet Sandra Bullock, and since I tell people she shops at my store, maybe she will actually pop in one day.

RESPONSE FROM CRISTI:

Okay, okay...I will share too. Jennifer and I ate lunch with PM Dawn when we were 15 in New York City. His hair was amazing. For those of you who were born after 1982, you may not know who he is...you are really missing out and should look him up. On that same trip we were in the same elevator with BB King who kindly offered us tickets to his show that night. However we politely declined because we had our own famous concert that night-- The Abilene High School Eagle choir was performing at the UN building. (As you can imagine BB was disappointed that his Reps scheduled a show on the same night as ours).

RESPONSE FROM SHAUNA:

Kip and I were oddly invited to the VIP area of the Candle Room in Dallas one night about 10-11 months ago and we ran into Owen Wilson. I was starstruck - although he is not very attractive - or funny in person - I was expecting him to entertain us all of course. Kip talked to him for a minute and I just stood in awe. We partied with him for the rest of the night.

But it is also important to add to the story that there is about a 95% chance that I conceived Macy that night...not with Owen.

RESPONSE NUMERO DOS FROM AUDREY:

okay, i've got more:

-ben stein in colorado at the biltmore (he was wearing a suit w/ airwalks)

-barbara walters in new york on new years (she was wearing her plastic face)

-eric estrada (the latino from 'chips') in branson, mo. (he was hosting a pretend 'wheel of fortune' and i was selected to be a contestant - unfortunately i did not win the set of kitchen knives, but i did get a kiss on the cheek.)

SO I'D LIKE TO KNOW, loyal blog readers (all three of you), of any encounters you've had with famous people. feel free to share. this is a safe place. a place where we can feel free sharing our feelings. think of this blog as a nest in a tree of trust and understanding. we can say anything here.

where you can find me this weekend.

dear audrey-

i realize that

1. you are in LONDON and all, and
2. even if you leave your house RIGHT NOW, your seventeen katrillion-hour flight would probably not make it in time, but let the record show that i am officially challenging your ass to a muthafuckin DANCE-OFF. not just any dance-off, mind you... this is one of the fanciest dance-offs that you could ever have the honor of participating in (and by participating, i mean WINNING). this dance-off is the 20th Annual Texas Championship Pow Wow. Wow. Is. Right.

from their website:

The dance contests will take place from 12:00 noon - 5:00 p.m., with Grand Entry at 12:00 noon, on Saturday and Sunday. The arts & crafts sale will be open from 9:00 a.m. to sundown each day. The teepee exhibit will be open only during daylight hours - dawn to dusk - both days.

The drums will beat for the dancers in the following categories: tiny tots, little boys, little girls, junior boys, junior girls, golden age men & ladies, ladies cloth, buckskin, fancy shawl, jingle dress, men's straight, traditional, grass and fancy. Visitors will see dancers in full traditional dress at all dance sessions over the two days.

COME ON. just look at all the dance categories!! buckskin? fancy shawl? jingle dress. effing JINGLE DRESS. aaaaaaaaaaaaand they have a fancy dancing category. fancy dancing. dear sweet baby jesus in your hay manger cradle, please don't let my head explode right now. the only problem we will have is deciding where to put all those trophies.

so get your wampum together, go pick up your native american gladiator outfit from the cleaners:and get your buns over here. brandee and i will meet you at the cy-fair la quinta. we'll bring firewater and maybe some jingle bells and hot glue. i think you could take that jingle dress category by storm, but we'll need some last-minute modifications.

love, kristina.ps-and just so's you and i are crystal clear on this, we go head-to-head in the 'fancy shawl' category. may the best fancy shawl dancer win.

hells no.

oh, design*sponge. it's not hard to love you. you keep me on my toes with all of your interior design sneak peeks, and i were into cooking, your gourmet features would be highly entertaining. you review books, know the coolest artists, and grace bonney's wedding was just a do-it-yourself stunner... but i saw this today, and i am going to have to get out my wooden ruler for some old-fashioned wrist-slapping. did this not get a second pair of eyes prior to hitting the PUBLISH button?i know the appeal of a diy project is that ANYONE is able to make it, but this limp little chandelier-of-many-colors is a bit of a stretch for me, coming from the design*sponge. seriously. did someone go out last night and get loco on some soco eggnog shooters (it happens to all of us.) and then decide to make the macaroni-necklace version of a chandelier? you do of course realize, since you are design*sponge, that real chandeliers cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars, so a knock-off should appear to have cost at least $4. i suppose i could stop being such a ho-bag (fat chance), because 'kate' does mention that this is great project for children (ooooobviously) and could also be created while watching a movie (with the lights turned off). to her credit, kate also mentions that this would possibly be good if all the beads were spray painted the same color (NOW WE'RE TALKING). believe it or not, i actually feel a bit inspired, but listen up, kate, because i'm specifically talking to you when i say: HOME DECOR ITEMS MADE WITH CHILDREN BELONG ON THE REFRIGERATOR, and then in the trash. period.

my version, aside from being about a million times larger, will resemble one of these bitches:(arteriors carsten)

(arteriors maxim)

(arteriors louis)

arteriors, you pricey bitch, i could eat your light fixtures for breakfast, lunch and dinner. and while we're at it, oly studio, you could be dessert. (oly studio isa)

(oly studio jenny)

in summation, kate, you are better than this. i know, because i made your walnut charms last week and they are adorable.

common law.

so in case i hadn't mentioned it, i'm getting married next october. we've been engaged for 6 months already, and i'm totally sold on the year-and-a-half planning time. we have minimized our stress levels and have been selecting the things we want, not just what's available on short notice. also, i may or may not have a high propensity for 'zilla behavior, so we wanted put that off as long as possible. however, we learned pretty quickly that we would save a ton of dough if we were both on the same insurance policies. i'm talking upwards of $500 a month in savings, which could be re-appropriated into my online shopping fund. the kicker was that brad and i had to have a 'legal union' in order to consolidate our policies. how do you solve a problem like that? COMMON LAW MARRIAGE, people. it's not just for hillbillies anymore. in texas, to file for common law marriage, all you have to do is

1. cohabitate and
2. make people think you are married. as in, don't correct them when they refer to you as husband and wife.

in other words, it is DIFFICULT to be common law married. you might even be common law married right now, if you haven't been careful. you don't even have to file paperwork, unless, like us, you want to reap the sweet benefits of married-folk insurance. and by paperwork, i am of course referring to the pages and pages of legal documentation requested by our insurance company, sent via fax. it was EXTREMELY detailed and official. see for yourself:as you can see, i did not even have to sign it. that would be silly, for both of us to have a signature on a document of that caliber. for the record, for over $500 a month, we are husband and wife.

we're famous. (or "i'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.")

the fiance and i (his name is brad, btw, so there goes the mystery) were on style me pretty yesterday. style me pretty happens to be one of my favorite places to visit on the interweb, wedding or no wedding, so i was thrilled. although the reason we were on there in the first place (read: at all) was because of our photographer, stella alesi, i feel like it's a major feat... like somehow, i had a hand in this. trust me, i didn't. stella and her husband brian are based in austin, texas, and aside from being extremely cool, they are a super photography team.

check it out for yourself here.

so way to go, stella & brian!

{via stella alesi & style me pretty}

furniture: dinner bell.

i'm kind of dying for a new dining table. i have been for a really, really long time, but we are fortunate enough to have a big island in our kitchen that houses four counterstools, so those, in addition to the existing hand-me-down table, have been a'plenty for awhile.

this table consistently shows up in my dreams, but i have to remind myself that it will never, ever, ever in ten million years happen, because it costs $4,395. dammit. how much are kidneys worth these days? i would straight up trade a kidney for this table.
(oly studio clint table)

and then i saw this guy, and i tried to convince myself that it was almost the same as The Table of My Dreams (above), but was much more attainable at $899. i never quite talked myself into it, but i still think it's a good option to keep in the back of my mind.(cb2 darjeeling table)

and then yesterday, i decided to look at some of the backlog of catalogs that have been showing up in droves (thanks, holiday season.), and i found THIS LITTLE GEM:
(restoration hardware flatiron table)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeGADS. i generally like restoration hardware, but dismiss them quickly because they are so re-goshdarn-diculous when it comes to pricing. however, let the record show that i officially stand corrected. this sexy beast is only $955 (which is still a lot) but with my interior design discount, i could make this my own for something like $764. i spent about six minutes thinking of ways to convince my fiance that we needed this table like we needed oxygen, and then i got out the tape measure for a quick visualization... and it is just too big. this table is 107" long. motherbitch.

so i'm back to the drawing/dreaming board. maybe i can make a home-made version of my RH stunner, using this technique.

while we're at it, i also want to replace our existing counter stools with either these:(restoration hardware vintage barstool)

or these:

(sundance mid-century stool)

necklace knock-offs.

dear lizzie fortunato,

good grief. this shit is amazing. but, since you do not have a houston retail location, and since i bet you aren't giving away the milk for free, i'm going to head to the craft room and do my best to plagiarize your delicious jewelry. what i mean to say is that i've been INSPIRED. imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

peaches,

kristina

{via In(side) the Loop & Lizzie Fortunato}

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slut-o-ween: you put a spell on me.

man. is it just me or were the sluuuuuts out in record numbers last night? let me start by saying I LOVE COSTUMES, which is why halloween has always been my favorite holiday. i also don't really have a huge problem with sluts. if you've got it, sister, show it off. all of it. so i would like to go on the record as fully for costumes, no matter how inappropriate they are. at least you're in a costume, even if i can see your wizard's sleeve, even if you're freezing your nalgas off. but all compliments aside... the quality of the costumes was pretty bad. i know halloween has been a whore's christmas for awhile, but if you're going to dress like a hooker, why dress as a cheap hooker? why don't you go down to, i dunno, SEARS and get yourself a several-sizes too small negligee of sorts, and add your angel wings and halo to that? at least it wouldn't melt if you got too close to a jack-o'lantern. and a personal note to costume-making companies: could you not spend a dollar more in the construction phase for some real buttons, instead of the ones that are drawn on? shame on you. if they can make and sell a SNUGGIE for $15 at target (free LED booklight included!) could you not step it up a teensy bit in regard to quality?

i also saw several ladies dressed as dominatrix's (or, as spell-checker says, dominatrices, but i'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you did not already know the plural form of dominatrix.) and i'm not sure i get it. on the one hand, is that really a costume? i understand the naughty angel: she's in a costume as an angel, but just happens to be a veeeerry sexy one. but dominatrix? on the other hand, kudos for purchasing a costume you can use all year 'round. we are in a recession, after all.

i was a very historically accurate native american. it was a great way to justify the purchase of these boots:

so update your list. miley cyrus, audrina patridge and ME, that's who owns a pair of these bad boys. i can't can't caaaaaan't wait to get them on a dance floor.

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good news, world.

i'm blogging. or at least, i am going to try. i am very good at starting projects and not finishing them, so consider yourselves warned. it's like i've told all my ex-boyfriends: don't go falling in love with me. anyway, i would like to go ahead and dedicate this blog--and quick sidenote: i really, really hate that word a lot. online diary, how about that? was that not considered, when we were coming up with names for this type of information-sharing? the oh-die. i could be writing on my oh-die right now. or o'die. both so much better than blog. end sidenote--to my dear friend audrey, who would get to hear more of my commentary on life, had she not moved her ass to effing LONDON. on the upside, i have a friend who lives in london, so suck it.

what else do you cover in your first blog post ever? content? more good news: i'm not sure about that yet. i can tell you this much: i cuss a lot. there is a 100% chance of swear words and occasional unladylike-ness on here. also, i have an opinion on just about everything, and i like to make lots of jokes. some land better than others. i like to make things. i'm really, really crafty. as in, there is a room in my house that is giving the middle finger to hobby lobby, michael's and joann's. i'm an interior designer, so that might come up. i'm engaged, so when i mention him, am i supposed to give him a code name? suggestions welcome (sweat pant, i expect a list from you). i happen to own the most adorable dog in the whole wide world, and his name is steve buscemi. steve has a sister named ginger, but she's kind of a crack head. if you're into crack heads, you would love ginger.

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